In the Breaking of the Bread

Doubt and proof and flesh and blood.

There is this song we sing in my church right before we receive the Eucharist. It’s a call and response between the cantor and the congregation. The congregations part is, “Be known to us, Lord Jesus, in the breaking of the bread.” It’s called a fraction anthem because we sing it as the breaking of the bread, the fracturing of the loaf¹ for the distribution of the bread to the people.

Be known to us in the breaking of the bread.

I think about that phrase a lot.

This week’s gospel passage² tells us the famous story about Thomas doubting the witnessing of Jesus by the rest of the 11 and demanding proof before he could believe that Jesus had come back from the dead with a flesh and blood body. He needed to touch the wounds specifically before he would believe.

Thomas needed to touch the wounds.

A couple verses before Thomas’ demand for proof, when Jesus appeared the the other disciples in that locked upper room, it says, “…Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you’ After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.” What is striking to me is this: Jesus showed the disciples his wounded hands and his pierced side AND THEN they rejoiced at seeing him. They rejoiced after they say his broken body, his pierced hands, his gashed side.

Something about his wounds identified Jesus to the disciples that knew him, walked with him, lived, ate, and prayed with him³ for three years. Just like Mary didn’t recognize Jesus in the garden until he spoke her name and the disciples in Emmaus only realized it was Jesus burning their hearts after he gave thanks and broke bread, the disciples only rejoiced at seeing Jesus after they saw his hands and side.

Maybe Jesus was showing them he wasn’t a ghost. Maybe they needed reassurance that it was really Jesus appearing among them in a locked room. There seems to be something about the resurrected Jesus that makes him unrecognizable⁴ to those that knew him pre-crucifixion.

But they knew Jesus by his wounds.

Thomas however, didn’t believe⁵.

I get that Thomas.

I’m having a hard time believing lately.

It just seems so absurd. A God who created something so precise and as beautiful as everything and then on this one little pocket of the cosmos he put some crown of creation⁶. And that crowning achievement messed the whole thing up. We know this creation story isn't literal. there are too many plot holes. So it's some metaphor. And if it's a metaphor, why aren't the other "God movements" recorded by ancient people (people who were just trying to make sense of the world around them) metaphors, including the resurrection. And if the resurrection is a metaphor, then the second coming is too, and if the second coming is a metaphor there isn't any hope that all will be well and oh look I've spiraled into the dark place.

Ya, I’m struggling lately.

I want to believe, trust, have faith… I just don’t right now.